Boulders in the Box
But before I dwell on`all those stressful details, I intend to reflect first on the untimely-yet-invigorating experience I had during our 3-day Seniors’ retreat.
Our beautiful journey with God, through a wonderful retreat master, Fr. Patrick Mariano, concluded not five hours ago. And here I am right now, missing that tranquil place somewhere in Digos.
I had such profound realizations. First one - where has life brought me? How was I shaped by my experiences? I realized, through Father Patrick’s talks, that I have been stuck up on a certain issue in my life.
There was one big question I have always wanted to answer - why do I sometimes feel a certain inexplicable emptiness? I blamed myself for feeling that. God blessed me with many good things. Wonderful parents and siblings. Thoughtful friends. An opportunity to go to school. And others. I had no right to feel empty. But I felt so anyway. And I found the retreat a great opportunity to answer the question which plunges a dagger through my heart each time it is asked. Thankfully, Father Patrick helped me open my closets. There were skeletons in it, I found out. And I didn’t realize it did until that 25-minute one-on-one with him. Thanks a lot, Father. You helped me let go. I can be freer now.
Second realization - behind the gaily smile may lie a wounded soul. This is true for me as it is for some of my friends who shared their taste of life’s bitterness. But there’s an attachment to this learning…the smiling behind the pain doesn’t necessarily mean hiding from it. On the contrary, it is one way of fighting it. It’s like telling yourself - "Life is painful but I won’t let it crush me to pieces."
It’s amazing, the pain. And it’s even more amazing to know that no matter how crushing they may be, they are never larger than life. They are never more powerful than we are. And it’s thrice as much amazing to know that there’s God, a million times more powerful than us, and willing to give us a hand.
The huts along the grassy field, the quarters where we slept in, the lounge area, and that special hall…they were all witnesses to the the hugs that we gave each other, the pats on the shoulder, and the heartaches that we once had and got rid of. Tears flowed like waterfalls and most, if not all negative energies were released.
Third slap of reality - how ready am I to face the real world? Do I already have boulders in my box? Or are they filled with sand and pebbles? Let the boulders be the wisdom, and let the box be the space where I put in all the things which is to become the foundation of my life.
I realized during the retreat that what I have in my box are stones which are a lot bigger than pebbles but a lot smaller than boulders. In short, I am not that ready to face the real world.
There’s one important thing to take note where our own individual boxes are concerned — it’s important to stock up on boulders.
All the learnings in the retreat goes down to one thing…the box. More importantly, the boulders in the box. The emptiness that I felt before, the pain, the lessons I learned from listening to the stories of my batchmates, the strengthened bond that we now have…how do I turn these things into useful wisdom that would influence how I deal with life and all its bitterness? I (and so have everyone else) have made the most out of the retreat. Now it’s application time. Time to fill in my box with boulders.
I have our retreat master to thank for all those realizations. Although I’ve said it infront of everyone else, I’ll say it here again…
Thank you, Father Patrick for guiding us in what has been the most beautiful and enriching spiritual experience I have ever had in all my college life.